🦄 SVN: Geologists Say Eat 1 Rock Per Day

Hope y’all had an incredible Memorial Day Weekend. Big shoutout to all who serve and have served! Y’all the real heroes. I’m happy to announce that after going to golf camp this weekend, I am retiring from content and entering the PGA tour. Now let’s get friggin’ into it.

Table of 🔥⛺️ (Hot ‘Tents)

• Google Can’t Figure Out AI

• Quiet Vacationing Replaces Quiet Quitting

• Sam Altman Steals ScarJo’s Voice

• And more juicy tidbits as well…

The Silly Valley

🤔 Google AI Search Says Glue Pizza and Eat Rocks. In the race for AI supremacy, Google has some work to do. It’s search feature came under scrutiny after telling users that geologists recommend humans eat one rock per day and that you can use gasoline to make a spicy spaghetti dish. Apparently the issue is the AI was taking answers from Reddit comments and articles from The Onion. Despite their struggles, Google still has the potential to be the leader in AI search as Google’s search engine accounts for more than 90% of the global market.

💻 Microsoft May Be Taking Screenshots of Your Computer. Microsoft says that its new feature Recall, which will store encrypted snapshots locally on your computer every few seconds, is exclusive to forthcoming Copilot+ PCs. However, government data watchdog agencies aren’t taking their word for it. Of course, you can always refrain from logging onto websites with information that you want to keep confidential like your bank or Brazzers accounts.

🤖 OpenAI Steals Scarlett Johannson’s Voice. OpenAI asked Scarlett Johannson if they could use her voice for their new ChatGPT bot so they could tap into the horny incel market. Scarlett declined. Then OpenAI released “Sky,” a voice that sounded eerily exactly like Scarlett Johannson. Sam Altman basically admitted to stealing it in a one word tweet - “her”- which was a blatant reference to Johannson’s film, Her, in which she plays the voice of an operating system that the main character falls in love with. OpenAI has since removed the voice from their platform, but denied they tried to imitate her. K.

Sales Fact of the Week

Outside the Bubble

🏖️ Quiet Vacationing Is The New Quiet Quitting. According to a new Harris Poll, 78% of U.S. workers say they don’t take all their PTO days and that number is even higher among Gen Z and Millenials. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not still going on vacation. 40% of Millenials say they’ve taken time off without communicating it to their bosses. I get that just by writing this we’re the kid in class reminding the teacher that homework is due, but we can do better. Corporate Bro Enterprises is currently on the beach in Florida, at a golf course in San Diego, and STILL getting the job done. Let’s get 2 birds stoned at once and be honest about it.

😇 The Pope Anoints The First Millennial Saint. Carlo Acutis, the patron saint of the internet, has been attributed a second miracle to him by the Vatican for using his computer skills to share his faith. Acutis died of Leukemia in 2006 when he was just 15, so we won’t make any jokes about how you too can become a saint if your self-help posts on LinkedIn go viral. After he died, his mom said that people from all over the world told her about medical miracles that happened after they prayed to her son. So if you’re in Rome and you’re only a few deals away from hitting quota, be sure to stop at Carlo’s tomb and pray for a healthy & fulfilled forecast.

🗣️ More People Are Using Voice Memos Than Ever Before. Voicemails might be for boomers, but voice memos have suddenly become one of the most popular forms of communication for Millennials and Gen Z. Besides regular voice memos in Apple’s Messages App, Snapchat says use of their voice notes is up 50% over the past two years. And if you’re still not convinced that you should try it out, according to Hinge, people are 48% more likely to land a date when they send a voice note on their dating app. Salespeople using voice memos with their prospects? Studies are pending.

Last Week’s Piping 🔥⛺️ (Hot ‘Tent)

Dropping some big 🧠 tips on how to crush your next work conference… even if it’s in Schaumberg, IL.

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